Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Turmoil Tuesdays

Turmoil Tuesdays - C'est La Vie Edition

I've been thinking...a lot. I have been thinking about myself. I have been thinking about others. I've been thinking about interpersonal relations. I've even been thinking about food.

Those don't all seem connected...but they are. Oh, are they ever.

The funny thing is this: I have gone about things MY WAY. I don't think it's the way anyone expected. I don't think it's even what they wanted of me. But it is AMAZING.

I have detoxed myself. Mostly emotionally and mentally, but I am beginning to do so physically as well. I have never felt better. Consider for a moment that this comes out of the WORST six months of my life medically speaking. It was bad in other ways, but not the worst. My body was crying out for help and I wasn't listening. Now I am.

What was really funny was that fixing myself physically shifted my paradigm emotionally. That shift was the most amazing wake up call that I have ever had. I am more alert, more aware, happier, more energized, and I suddenly CARE MORE. It is great.

But, what really was so freeing for me was the true and final release of TOXIN. For me, almost all of that toxin was internal in a way that I am not sure I could ever externally verbalize. But I am releasing it all out into the void of nothing so that it belongs to no one.

Change comes with a responsibility to be more AWARE, more PROACTIVE, and more COGNIZANT. Now it's funny, because I am not sure most of you really get what I mean by those three terms...because I have only verbalized this idea with one person. I am so willing to be open about what is happening inside of me...but here is the KEY...you have to ask. I am not offering this information that allows me to become vulnerable to just anyone anymore. There needs to be reciprocation. The waiting is over. :)

Sorry if this is really rambling. I know I have a tendency to go on a bit. I am not even going to read back through to see if it is coherent...DEALWITHIT.

I took this photo of myself as a way to illustrate what I am seeing in myself these days. I am me. I like me. I am a good person. A selfie in a mirror seemed an appropriate metaphor.

(Technicalities: Apologies for dirty mirror and blurry photo, but I kinda like 'em.)