It seems to me that people always choose this time of year to be overtly and expressly thankful about the things that they are given in this life. It occurs to me, usually always around this time of year, that we should be constantly thankful for these sorts of things. They do not crop up on the morning of Thanksgiving just so we will have something to say at the dinner-table when the inevitable question "what are you thankful for" crops up. We have these things every day of our life, and should appreciate them everyday. All the same, I sit here in a bed that used to be my own, and I think, maybe I should put this into words. So, here I do just that, to the best of my own ability.
I am thankful for so many things. Especially this year. This year has afforded me the opportunity to reflect on life, people, and myself in ways that I have never before been able to do. That opportunity is a rare one, and something I take for granted everyday. I have the absolute luxury to appreciate the beauty of a sunset with a cup of coffee in my hand. Not only do I have the opportunity, but I take it too. There are so many beautiful things in this world that we never see because we choose not to. I made a point of choosing to do so this year, and it has given me perspective on things that I will never again see the same way.
The simple action of taking someone's hand into your own and feeling them curl their fingers back upon yours is one of the simplest of things. I have done so with and for so many people this year. It is absolutely amazing, because the way in which I have done this recently is not something I have chosen to do for a long time. I associate it very clearly with a person I will forever love and miss. Because when I held her hand for the last time I remember looking into her eyes and seeing absolute love in them. I thought, in that moment that it might be forever gone from my life after that point. I was wrong. I held a friend's hand much the same way early this year when I looked them in the eyes and spoke the truth. They too left my life. I did so for another whom I love deeply and truly in a moment where they needed me the most. And when I took their hand between mine I realized how wrong everything was. So, I went about fixing it in the only way I knew how, by fixing myself. Just recently I took yet another person's hand in my own before placing my second hand on top of theirs and in a flash of brilliance and revelation I realized that I have not been forsaken in this world, and that I am both worthy of giving and receiving love. That must be the most beautiful of things.
I am thankful for those people in my life. Both the ones that have seen me through the years that have come before this one, and those that have only recently come into it. I am now very aware of who the truest of those people are, and I know who and what will stick by me when when I need that support the most. There is nothing more warming than the knowledge that there are people who will be by my side if everything crumbles. For them, I would be there as well. Love, trust, and friendship like that is not something that can be found everyday. I cherish it. It goes both ways because it would never mean as much if it did not. Of this I am aware, and for this I am thankful.
I am thankful for the fact that I have smiled and laughed in a way that I have not done since I was a young girl. The world is a funny play because it takes you up a road and back again to show you what you have lost and what you have forgotten. Those things that you have forgotten, like the fascination of a night sky, can again be appreciated in a whole new way. There is no kind of appreciation like the appreciation of something that has left your mind and come back to you. The world is a beautiful place so that we can forget it and come to love it all over again. People come in and out of our lives so that we can appreciate their place in it to the fullest extent.
I am also thankful for the simplest of things. I am alive. I am healthy. I am given the opportunity to live and learn in a world where many people will never get the chance. These things I take for granted every day, like breathing and eating, are only so wonderful because I know that I am lucky for them.
But, most of all, I am thankful for being needed, wanted, and loved. This is new. Very new. And it took some adjusting to get used to it. Not only am I all three of these things, but I have surrounded myself with people who believe as much. I need, want, and love them too. All of these people believe that I am worthy of these three things, and I believe that I am worthy of this too.
So, thank you, to everyone. Thank you for giving me a chance. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for being patient so that I could take the time to learn the things about myself that I had forgotten. Thank you for taking the time everyday to show me things about myself that I never knew. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for seeing more than simply the facade I tried to put up to block you all out. Thank you for listening. Thank you for talking. Thank you for caring.
Thank you for everything.
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